Feeling pressure need to focus on today...

weigh in 200.6




  I weighed in this morning at 200.6. Hold on Jessica breathe, breathe, breathe.  I know its not a big deal weight fluctuates but its hard to keep that in my head.  Yesterday I was 200.0 now 200.6.  I also know that the last 2-3months I have been yoyoing up and down from 202-200 so what do I expect. I'm on plan of course but of course my body got used to the yo yo a bit. I just have to deal. Stay on plan that's the most important part.  I just need to focus on today. Today is what I have to work with.  Today is what counts.

    I had a great day yesterday!  I got to see my mom and spend time with her at her new place.  It was very nice. I'm really grateful to God I got that opportunity.  My mom and I don't always see eye to eye and we don't get to spend much time together either. It was very nice. :)

    Today I have mapped our my plan for food. I like snacks so a lot of my plan will be eaten individually not in one big meal. Or three meals. But like 6 tiny meals. :) I also have left about 300 Cal's unaccounted for so that I have some wiggle room. :)  My goal for today is to stay within my calories. Therefore staying on my plan. 

Have a great day!  

MOnday baby steps...

weigh in 200 even




This Photo does know justice for the beauty I witnessed.



I did a good job this weekend. I stayed within my calories pretty much and ate pretty healthy. Me and the fiance' even went to Black Angus. :) That was yummy.  I had a good weekend with him and wishing i was still there.







Right before the sun went down.



        The weekend started out a little bit crazy. I drove up to Bakersfield but ahd a huge detour! I got stuck in the Castaic Mountains due to a brush fire.  I was stuck in a piece of traffic for 3.5hrs and went two miles in that time. I watched a movie on my phone. Wich was called, "The New Muslim Cool" It was an interesting movie.  Then the Firemen closed of the freeway so I took my trusty little cumpass (iphone) and i mapped myself an alternate route.  It was 118miles out of the way. Wooh this was gonna be a day. I started driving through these winding roads and I suddenly had this weird feeling. I started to slow and look around realizing how beatiful and  gorgeous everything was. There were trees desert plants like yuccas.  They were everywhere!  I stopped on the sider to take a few pictures. It was aboslutely amazing! I couldnt beleive how at home I felt. I felt like I was in New Mexico on my way to Chillile.  It was such a great gift from God. I was annoyed that I had this detour but if it hadnt have been this way i could have never received this gift.  Then as i was driving i found a shorter short cut so it was a 40mile detour instead of 118... but i wouldnt have traded it for anyhting. :) 

     Had a great time with my fiance' hung out went out to eat and I ate pretty good.  I was by no means perfect but pretty good. :) I also discovered Trader Joe's Mochi Icecream yesterday! Holy Zola! Those things are delicous and 100cals a pop. : ) I had the Mango ones and I cant wait to try the strawberry and green tea flavors. :)

     Today I start my day with some Coffee and Mochi with a banana. Lol not the best breakfast but we are not perfect we are progressing. :) Progress not perfection.  I have planned most of my cals for the day already and have some left over for any unexpected or needed snack in the afternoon. :) Baby steps. I got stick to it.

baby steps into the weekend...

weigh 201

   Today is going to be a tough day. We won lunch at work so I am going to be having some sweets and some high calorie food but I'm still staying in plan. :) We got donuts and In-n-out Burger. I had my donut already. Ive decided I will participate in the lunch I will just get a protein burger and that's all. :)  The rest of the day will be fruits and veggies.
       I'm also pretty nervous about this weekend.  I am so insanely excited to see my fiance' but I'm afraid of my habits. I have a habit of eating whatever I want when I go up to visit him.  We also haven't seen each other in a month so I know I'm gonna feel really happy and may forget to think before I do.  I pray that I can keep my head leveled and stick to my plan. I am bringing my main meals with me and some snacks.  So if I can just keep a level head that should help me to stay on plan. I'm also going to try to blog and check my emails for my weight loss buddies so that I can keep my goals fresh in the front of my head. Wish me luck. :)

I think Ill be following coined phrases in my mind:

Easy does it.
One day at a time.

and my favorite prayer..

God,
Grant me the Serenity,
To accept the things I can not change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.


I find this prayer gives me strength, helps me to have willpower and to stay in control through my Higher power.

Baby steps day 2...

weigh in 202.00

 

          Good morning guys weighed in at 202.  I guess two days of completely on plan is working. Who would have thunk it? Jeez all i have on my mind is food. Like I literally just stared at my bag of strawberries for the last hour off and on.  All the while thinking, should I eat these now or later? When I should have thought. Am I hungry or bored?  I'm hungry. So lets do this. :)  Ha ha so funny how I think sometimes.  Maybe you can relate.  How I think to myself should I eat it or shouldn't I?  The thing is though, that question is valid but, its not enough.  One: I should ask am I hungry or am I bored? Two: This piece of nourishment, is it healthy and beneficial for my body? Three: This food, is it in plan?  If I can answer these questions and the answers are: I'm hungry, its healthy, and its in plan.  Then I should go for it guilt free. My problem is feeling guilty with just about anything.  The act of eating feels great feels like life and nourishment. Sometimes I even get a sort of high or mood boost.  Only after eating I feel guilty and resentful. So I need to take it slow.  Start with checking my motives.  Then make a decision and enjoy.   I believe food should be enjoyable that's why our Higher Power made food taste good. Although in the end it is nourishment and energy for our bodies. That's what it needs to be treated as. So today and forever more I will do my best to deal in one day at a time. I will work on balance today and the next.

My food plan for the day

86 Cal's leftover in case i feel hungry in the evening and i can have an orange or kiwi or something small. :)

do or die...

203.00

Ive been straying. I havent updated in a while.  I havent been eating the fruits and veggies that i should be. So this is me getting back on track. Trying, and thats all I can do is try my best. Today I am showing what my food plan is and I will stick to it.  The pictures below show me tracking, my food. This morning I was 203.  A week ago I saw 199.8.  I know that I dont have something wrong with me to where I cant lose weight. Its my actions and choices that are hindering me. So one day at a time.  Today I choose to be on plan. I ask God for strength and I choose to eat healthier than before.  I will be seeing my dad today. I usually end up eating over plan when I see him.  I have prepared myself with a cup of frosted mini wheats for our date. :) So i have tools and today i choose to use them.
    I need to get back into the mindset I started with last year.  Why am I doing this? Why do I care to do this?  There are alot of reasons for me to do this, but what are they?  I know I dont want diabetes or cancer.  My grammy died a couple years ago. May God rest her soul.  I was very close to her and I love her dearly.  I watched her slowly die and suffer from her diabetes.  She lost her toe. Wich turned into her foot loss. Wich turn into her leg amputation from he knee down.  She had open heart sugery and in the end had skeletal cancer.  She also had multiple vein surgurues due to poor circulation.  She was obese wich didnt help with her health at all.  She was diabetic and in the end also died with skeletal cancer.
     I recall her health not to judge my grammy but to learn from her.  It killed me inside to see the wreckage she had done to herself.  She was paying her dues for a life time of inhealthy eating habits and being a smoker for many years.  I dont want that to happen to me.  I dont want her to have gone through that in vain.  I dont want my family and friends to be there for me like that and watch me slowly die.  I want to learn from my grammy and live healthier.
      Im not losing this weight just to look better. Of course it is a plus, but the reason I was working so hard is for my health.  I want to haave energy and be strong and happy. :) I want to work on myself body/mind/spirit as a whole.  I have a better relationship with my higher power today.  I have lost 52lbs today.  My health is better today.  The fact is though I have improoved tremendously. I am not at my finish line yet.  I still have 63lbs to my goal weight.  I still dont excercize enough. I still dont eat healthy. 
    I also know this is progress not perfection.  So I am happy with the progress i have made. I am proud of what i have done.  I also want to keep moving forward though. :)  I want to keep healing my mind and spirit. I want to keep eating healthier and allowing my body to be healthier through weightloss and healthy eating habbits. So another day of progress for today. :)

Finding your patterns.

weigh in 200.2

So today is a good day. :) I went to Alanon yesterday and therapy. Wich was great. :) Once again my TOM is playing a sick joke on me. lol  I have a pattern of not losing but easily gaining for about 3-5 days after my TOM.  I beleive that time period has begun. yay me... On a serious note.  The improtant thing is that I understand and am aware of this pattern in my body. It can be very discouraging for someone who doesnt realise there patterns.

Our bodies are not linear and they dont pretend to be.  We can do mathematical equations and due to calories vs calories out everything should be linear but, alas it is not.  We have hormones and bodily functions to interfere with that.  For example one of my other patterns is; an up down week.  For example: Lets say Sunday I weighed 201.8. The following day on Monday i weigh 201. Then Tuesday 200.2.  I can most definetly expect to be either 200.2 for a day or two or 201 for a day or two after that. If I have 3 or 4 great days of weightloss. My body likes to even out with some water weight held in for a couple days. (extra or steadfast, it holds)  These patterns can be bother some. The best thing to do is to note them and figure them out the best you can.  Then accept them and keep pushing forward.

Who knows? You could have a weird pattern like my brothers girlfriend. She has a pattern taht for 4-5 days after her TOM.  She can eat like a MAN. She go and scarf and scarf and scarf but, she gains nothing!!!!! Lucky her hahahaha. :) So take a look at your patterns and use them to your advantage.  For me my patterns aren't anything like this one. Although, because i know my patterns i dont feel horrible when i have a 3-5 days stall right after my TOM.


So my advice log your patterns note them and use them to benefit you. :) Wether it be in your Journey to Health or everyday life. It will benefit you to be in tune with yourself. :)

Have a great day! :)

1 year of my spiral

weigh in 200.2----> so close to Onederland!

   Good afternoon all I have stuck to my calories and am doing good. :) Havent mustered up the spunk for the gym yet. lol so boring but its a must so i need to get back into it. Today also marks my 1 year anniversary for living a new happier and healthier life.  This year has had its highs and its lows.  The truth is its been easy but times of struggle.  I have had days I really just want to say bullocks!  Then I think about all my hard work and the strength I have found in myself I never knew I had. The me I like more and more each day inside and out. : ) In this last year I have lost 44.8lbs through counting calories and making better healthier choices. I have gained loads of self esteem through meditation and therapy.  We all have our shortcomings and our strengths.  We all have weakness and pride. I have made the conscious decision to change and work on my weaknesses and shortcomings.  I have been working on myself body and mind.  I feel great to have reached yet another goal! My one  year Birthday! :)


Stick to it its worth it!


My favorite quote simple yet perfect for me. - "Never, never, never give up."- Winston Churchill

ONE YEAR BABY!!!