Wednesday, June 6, 2012

do or die...


Ive been straying. I havent updated in a while.  I havent been eating the fruits and veggies that i should be. So this is me getting back on track. Trying, and thats all I can do is try my best. Today I am showing what my food plan is and I will stick to it.  The pictures below show me tracking, my food. This morning I was 203.  A week ago I saw 199.8.  I know that I dont have something wrong with me to where I cant lose weight. Its my actions and choices that are hindering me. So one day at a time.  Today I choose to be on plan. I ask God for strength and I choose to eat healthier than before.  I will be seeing my dad today. I usually end up eating over plan when I see him.  I have prepared myself with a cup of frosted mini wheats for our date. :) So i have tools and today i choose to use them.
    I need to get back into the mindset I started with last year.  Why am I doing this? Why do I care to do this?  There are alot of reasons for me to do this, but what are they?  I know I dont want diabetes or cancer.  My grammy died a couple years ago. May God rest her soul.  I was very close to her and I love her dearly.  I watched her slowly die and suffer from her diabetes.  She lost her toe. Wich turned into her foot loss. Wich turn into her leg amputation from he knee down.  She had open heart sugery and in the end had skeletal cancer.  She also had multiple vein surgurues due to poor circulation.  She was obese wich didnt help with her health at all.  She was diabetic and in the end also died with skeletal cancer.
     I recall her health not to judge my grammy but to learn from her.  It killed me inside to see the wreckage she had done to herself.  She was paying her dues for a life time of inhealthy eating habits and being a smoker for many years.  I dont want that to happen to me.  I dont want her to have gone through that in vain.  I dont want my family and friends to be there for me like that and watch me slowly die.  I want to learn from my grammy and live healthier.
      Im not losing this weight just to look better. Of course it is a plus, but the reason I was working so hard is for my health.  I want to haave energy and be strong and happy. :) I want to work on myself body/mind/spirit as a whole.  I have a better relationship with my higher power today.  I have lost 52lbs today.  My health is better today.  The fact is though I have improoved tremendously. I am not at my finish line yet.  I still have 63lbs to my goal weight.  I still dont excercize enough. I still dont eat healthy. 
    I also know this is progress not perfection.  So I am happy with the progress i have made. I am proud of what i have done.  I also want to keep moving forward though. :)  I want to keep healing my mind and spirit. I want to keep eating healthier and allowing my body to be healthier through weightloss and healthy eating habbits. So another day of progress for today. :)

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