11/1- 219!!! eek 2lbs up from yesterday. (AARRGGH me on Halloween)
11/3-218 woo hoo a pound down!
11/11-215.8!! Woohoo! I hope this is real!
11/12-I didn’t gdo good and didn’t weigh in
11/13-I did horrible and didn’t weigh in : (
11/14-back on plan but not weighing in till friday
11/15-no weigh in
11/16-217.5 (couldn’t take it need to face upto my cheating)
11/19-in Bakersfield no weigh in
11/20-in Bakersfield no weigh in
11/24-didn’t weigh. In San Fran
11/25- didn’t weigh. In San Fran
11/26- didn’t weigh. In San Fran
11/27- 215.2n OMG Lost a tid bit but maintained over the holiday!!!!!!
11/29-216 some pay back from thanksgiving I think lol.
Didnt make it to my goal and sometimes i think that I shoot to high. But either way Im proud of myself at the end of each month!
A round up for this month. This month I realized quite a few things about myself. At the end of each month Ive decided that I will be reflecting on the past month. I find that I learn something and then forget to use it. So I like to reflect at the end of the month as a reminder. My top 3 breakthroughs for this month are:
- Fear of losing weight-
- In September I got to 223. When i got there I realized I was Actually losing! From as far as I can remember I knew I was the "chubby one" and that I needed to lose weight. I knew it was unhealthy but it also brought down my self esteem. I remember in middle school being 140 in 6th grade then i started not paying attention. I remember lying about my weight but 223lb is the last weight I remembered being for sure. When I first weighed myself at 255, I knew there needed to be a change for sure! So from 255-224 I was doing something that needed to get me back to the norm wich was so easy. When I hit 223 I felt normal for me again. When I got to 219 I felt like I was having a mini meltdown. I was actually 'Doing This' and sticking to it. I got scared because I have wanted to be healthy and be skinny my whole life. Crazy fears were creeping up in the back of my mind. If I do this I wont have my excuses? What if Im not happy at the end? and the list goes on... For 7weeks I was stuck at 216-219. During the week I was on plan and on the weekends I sabbotaged myself. When I finally realized what I was doing I faced it and am still facing. I am finally seeing differences in the mirror and am happy with them. I understand that weightloss doesnt mean perfection. Also I have learned that through this journey I am not only working on my apearence I am now on a mental and spiritual journey as well. Although it took me 7 weeks to realize. I am so thankful and blessed to have realized it. I didnt go into self destruct and now Im facing it head on.
- Weekend/Vacation Dieting-
- I also learned about my self sabotage. My weekends became my day for I deserve this Flippin "cookie"! This what made me yoyo from 216-219 for 7 weeks. I learned that I am in control and I have to make the choice to stick to plan. Also that for me hunger is a daily struggle and its a deeper problem. Im not hungry for food its something else. Now Im working on finding what that hunger is until then I must control it. I need to truly listen to wether I am hungry or bored or lacking something else. Also I find joy in the tastes of all types of foods. I love trying new things. If I want to taste and try new things, well I can. I just cant have everything. So now I have a deeper understanding of the fact that this is all under my control and when I self sabatage, thats exactly what im doing! Im harming myself!
- Why me?-
- Along with my self sabatage and fears of losing, I also had a why me complex going on. Thinking to myself my sister is skinny no matter what. Why not me? Why are there "naturally skinny people"? Why arent I one of them? Well because I overeat and they dont! Or they excercize daily and I dont. Or they eat healthy "naturally". I was on a pitty me party type thing. 1. They are naturally skinny cuz they either dont eat as much or burn more! 2. Everyone has problems at least mine is one I can fix. 3. Poor me!? I did this to myself! So Im kind of reawakened after 6months in my journey and it feels great! I have a feeling it will happen again and then I will learn something else about myself.
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